If I could make subtitles here, I'd subtitle this post
"The Most Ridiculous Story About Whole Grains You've Ever Read."
This story starts off doubly tragic, but it gets better, so don't despair. B and I had been unable to find oats in Denmark. It was strange, because Danes love muesli (mysli), which is basically plain rolled oats with stuff mixed in. Nevertheless, not a package of plain rolled or steel-cut oats could we find. Just muesli and more muesli--raisin, coconut, high-fiber, even chocolate.
Then one evening as I lamented our lack of oats, B said,
"Hey! I bet that little health food store down the block has oats!"
We lost no time putting on our shoes and bustling down the the Helsekost before it closed. Once there we zeroed in on a likely package labeled BOGHVEDEGRYN, took it directly to the cashier, paid, and zipped home again.
At breakfast we were dismayed to discover that the contents did not taste particularly like oatmeal as we knew it, nor did they cook up quite the same. A quick check on Google Translate revealed that this was because they were not, in fact, oats. They were buckwheat groats.
OK, so where is the humor and uplifting resolution? Well, here's what I found funny about the whole business. (Besides that just saying "buckwheat groats" is pretty funny on its own).
First, imagine this from the point of view of the guy working in the health food store. Just before closing, a wild-eyed couple rushes in. They make a beeline for the whole grains, grab a packet of buckwheat groats, and without sparing a glance for anything else, pay and leave. Why the desperate need for buckwheat groats? Is there some sort of whole grain black market? A bet, a dare? An urgent craving? Really, when was the last time someone got this excited over groats?
Second, why did we not look up the Danish word for oats before we left? Who wouldn't do that?
Finally, how on earth did we not get it? Boghvedegryn. Boghvedegryn. Boghvede. Boghvede. Not that Danish is really known for its English cognates, but seriously. Boghvede. Buckwheat. It sounds the same!
Anyway, there's a double happy ending coming up. For one thing, we found oats--rolled rather than steel-cut, but still--at Bazar Vest yesterday. Now B can stop worrying that I'll make him buy muesli and pick out all the raisins and seeds by hand. And for another, we turned the buckwheat groats into some tasty muffins and ate them for breakfast.
Just to make sure this really is the funniest essay about whole grains ever, I'm going to leave you with a little muffin joke. I've probably already told it to every single person who reads this blog, but that just makes it a joke that's stood the test of time.
Two muffins (usually they're corn, but in honor of our adventures and pitfalls, today they're buckwheat, of course) are baking away in the oven. The first one says,
"Whew, it's hot in here!"
The second one says,
"Eep! A talking muffin!"
Yoink!
